


The Way I Loved You

by Cherrys_Criminal_Mind



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy is a dick who can't process his feelings, F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind/pseuds/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind
Summary: In which Bellamy must face up to fact that he has lost Clarke to Roan





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another prompt from my tumblr and could have the potential to have at least another part if people want it. Please let me know if you're enjoying it and if you have a tumblr, come say hi! Livingforbellarke

Bellamy Blake didn't like to complicate things. His friends were his friends and his hook ups were his hooks ups. So falling in love with his best friend was definitely not on his agenda. And falling so irrecoverably, head over heels in love with them, to the extend that he could honestly say he had never felt anything like this, was so totally far off his list of to do things that he'd never even considered what he might do if it were to happen. 

Which was why he was screwed. So totally screwed. 

Clarke Griffin had gone from an irritating little girl with blonde pigtails who used to steal his bike because her parents wouldn't remove her training wheels, to someone who made the bottom drop out of his stomach whenever she looked at him. 

He'd felt that way about her for a number of years but never, ever had the courage to do anything about it. He'd loved her, adored her, cherished her for so long. And he'd also picked up every single hint that she'd dropped that she felt exactly the same way about him and handed them straight back to her. Because apparently, as his sister and friends told him, he was a dumb ass shit who couldn't see that she was also head over heels, irrecoverably in love with him. And this was despite the fact that she'd more or less told him this as well only to have him shrug it off as drunken ramblings because for some unknown reason, he couldn't quite accept that she might like him, love him, and want more from him in the same way that he did from her. 

And his shrugging it off as drunken ramblings - when she'd literally had two glasses of wine as dutch courage - had messed everything up. Because like Bellamy's friends said, he was a dumb ass shit sometimes. 

After having her revelation ignored and not reciprocated, Clarke had made the very heavy decision to move on. Everyone had told her Bellamy totally felt the same way but that he was just emotionally stunted and didn't know how to deal with his feelings. Give him time, they'd said. So she'd given him a few months, tried to make it as clear as she could without actually yelling it from the rooftops that she, Clarke Griffin, loved him. She would have actually yelled it from the rooftop but the roof access in her apartment building was kept locked and also, she was quite scared that she'd end up a viral video on youtube. Even after giving him time though, Bellamy still couldn't face up to it. Perhaps he was scared of being hurt. His mother had gone through a nasty divorce and it had more or less broken her but that hadn't preventing Octavia from finding happiness. So, Clarke had to stop waiting. To stop hoping that her best friend would love her back. And she moved up. 

And now Bellamy was ridiculously jealous. Which was something that didn't sit well with him. Or any of his friends. Since Clarke had started dating Roan four months ago, Bellamy had been in a class A mood. He was grumpy, skulking around and generally glaring at anyone who dare breathe near him. And heaven forbid anyone, ANYONE mention Clarke or Roan's name. He was generally behaving like a toddler that had had their favourite toy taken away. And then burned in front of them. And then a new toy given to them, just to also be taken away and also burned. 

It was his own fault. He had been made very much aware that it was his own fault. And to atone for dragging everyone down for the past few months, he was being dragged to Harper and Monty's house party, where he was very much aware that Clarke - who he had been attempting to avoid as much as possible - and Roan were going to be. 

Nathan and Octavia had flanked him with Lincoln stood at the rear as they entered the party, all three of them giving not so much of a pep talk but more of a stop feeling sorry for yourself because it's your own damn fault and she's your best friend so stop being an ass, talk on the way over. And to begin with, the party hadn't been so bad. A few drinks and being surrounded by his friends had helped Bellamy ease out of his funk a little. 

Now though, four hours and many, many drinks in and he was back to feeling sorry for himself. He'd met Roan, he hadn't been able to avoid Clarke that much since she'd started seeing him. And it would have been waaaay easier to hate on the dude if he wasn't actually a decent guy who seemed to make Clarke happy. But that was the problem. Bellamy didn't want someone else to be making Clarke happy. He didn't want someone else to be touching her, to be making her laugh. He wanted to be the one doing that. Instead, he was slumped in the corner, the many beers he had drunk clouding his thoughts and making him more miserable that ever. 

After glancing over and seeing Roan pull Clarke close to him and kiss her forehead, Bellamy decided that he couldn't actually take this anymore, and hauled himself off the couch. Luckily, the majority of his friends were occupied in the kitchen, making some sort of vile concoction that one of them would be dared to ingest so they didn't see him slink out with his tail firmly between his legs. 

Clarke did though. And she was actually fed up with his behaviour. So she decided to follow him, excusing herself from her boyfriend and following Bellamy out of the apartment and down to the street below. 

"Bellamy." He ignored her and she wasn't having any of that shit. "Hey, Bellamy Blake!" Not that there were any other Bellamy's in at least a hundred mile radius. 

She ran a little, grabbing the back of his shirt and halting him. He sighed both internally and externally. 

"Clarke, I just wanna go home." 

"No. Tell me what's wrong. You've barely spoke to me recently. Barely made any attempt to get to know Roan. And tonight you've just sat there looking miserable. You're my best friend Bell, you used to tell me everything." Not quite everything, he thought, because if he had, then perhaps he wouldn't even be in this predicament. "Tell me what's wrong? Please?" 

"I.... I.... can't." 

"Yes, you can. Its not that hard. Open your mouth and use your words." 

If he had been sober then the following would have never slipped past his brain to mouth filter. But he wasn't and it did. 

"It's just.... He'll never love you the way I loved you." 

The words hung there as both of them processed what he had said, the words coming like a slap in the face for both of them. And once Bellamy realised what he had said and who he had said it to, he acted like a complete coward. 

He turned and he ran.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been seven weeks since Bellamy had seen or heard from Clarke. Since he'd word vomited over her in the street and then ran like the coward he was. Even though he'd been avoiding her previously because of his jealously, they had still communicated via text message and social media but in these last seven weeks there had been nothing and quite frankly, he couldn't blame her. 

Octavia had stopped pushing him to hang out with the group. He couldn't quite tell whether Clarke had told his sister what he'd said to her but she stopped questioning his excuses and just let him be. Nathan and Murphy weren't as generous though. 

"Dude, you gotta get over this. She's your best friend, be happy for her." 

"Bell, it was either shit or get off the pot. You didn't take the dump so now you gotta move on." The wise words of John Murphy were surprisingly the ones that stuck with him and he realised that he was right. Everyone had been right. He'd had his chances to tell Clarke, he'd had multiple chances to tell her and he hadn't, even when she'd drunkenly blurted out one night that she loved him, he just brushed it off, sure it was the alcohol, although now he thought about it, had Clarke even drank that much that night? He'd wasted every chance he'd got and now he was shit out of luck. Clarke was happy and he needed to learn how to be happy. 

So he let his friends drag him to a bar one night. He didn't get drunk but he had a few beers, danced with a hot girl with a name he'd initially smirked at because it was as uncommon as his own - Echo. She'd given him her number, initially insinuating that she'd like to go home with him that night but Bellamy wasn't quite ready for that, despite Murphy telling him that fucking Clarke Griffin out of his system was the best way to go. Although that comment had led to an image in Bellamy's mind that he would rather not have had at that particular moment and he'd shoved his friend hard for that. But still, in spite of everything, he hadn't had a terrible time tonight and he decided that maybe they were right. Getting over Clarke Griffin was the way to go. 

That was until he returned back to his apartment at close to 1am, finding her sat in the hallway outside his door. 

He double taked, and almost turned and ran again but he couldn't. She was here, at his home. And she was alone. 

Clarke looked up from her spot on the ground, hauling herself to her feet when she saw he'd returned. She was dressed liked she'd been out, but not out out, more like out for a fancy meal. Wordlessly, he approached his door and opened it, her following him into his apartment because well, she'd never needed an invitation before. 

Once inside neither of them sat down, both standing, looking at the other, Bellamy entirely unsure of why she was here and Clarke very uncertain of why she couldn't just leave it alone. 

But she couldn't. She had loved Bellamy Blake for years. And despite him not returning her previous advances even though all her friends said he felt the same, and despite her deciding to move on and finding a great guy - a truly, great guy - she was still here. All because she couldn't get what he'd said out of her head. 

"He'll never love you the way I loved you." She repeated the last words he had said to her and he baulked, immediately starting to pace his apartment. 

"Clarke...." 

"He'll never love you the way I loved you," she repeated again. "What the fuck is that even meant to mean?" 

"Ckarke, please. Just... Let's not do this.  I'm... I was drunk that night. Wasted actually. And... You're with Roan and I've accepted that. It was stupid of me to say it but it's fine now. I realise I just need to get over you." Okay so the few beers he'd had that evening had messed with his filter again and he immediately regretted opening his mouth. 

"Get over me? You need to get over me? When were you ever under me!!?!" 

"Clarke...." 

"No! Don't 'Clarke' me. You can't just say my name and expect me to calm down or just listen like I normally would. I want to know what you meant and I want the honest trust. I deserve that much." She was pacing too now. 

"Clarke, please. It's not worth it. I was drunk and stupid. Please just leave." 

"Nope, not leaving. You know, Roan took me out tonight and I thought it was going to be this nice, romantic meal. But instead, he wants to know what's wrong. Because apparently I've been weird with him since Monty and Harper's party. And you know what? I have." She glared at him then and he fell in love with her all over again, the bottom dropping out of his stomach once more. "I've not been able to stop thinking about what you said. Doesn't matter that Roan is a great guy. Doesn’t matter that's he's everything that could make me happy. All I hear is one sentence from you, something that I wanted to hear for years, for fucking years from you! And I'm gone again. But then I remember. The tense you said it in. You said loved, not love. So now I'm here, because I need to know. Is it past tense?" 

Bellamy gulped. She was with Roan, she had someone else. But yet, she was here. She was asking him. And what she'd said? She'd been waiting for years for him to say it. Maybe.... 

He doubted they could restore their friendship after this anyway so why not? 

"Love, Clarke. Not loved. He'll never love you the way I love you." 

She stared at him them. A stared that bore straight through every layer he had, her gaze burning the very depths of his soul. 

"You love me?" she asked, her words tainted with both disbelief and a side of hatred, due to the timing. 

Bellamy nodded. Rather unable to do anything but. 

"Right. Well then." And with that, she stormed out of his apartment and Bellamy assumed, out of his life. 

Until two hours later when there was a very loud, very persistent banging on his front door. He hauled himself from his slump on the couch where he'd moped after Clarke had left, unable to convince himself to go to bed. He expected it to be Octavia behind the door, or Raven, or even Miller or Murphy. Maybe Clarke had gone running to them, telling them what an awful example of a human being he was. 

Then he had another thought. Perhaps it was Roan, here to tear him a new one for essentially coming on to his girlfriend. Bellamy would accept that beating, it was nothing less than what he deserved. 

When he pulled the door open again, it wasn't to anyone he expected it to be. It was to a blonde haired, blue eyed goddess that he hadn't expected to see again. One that had very obviously been crying. He moved to one side, exchanging no words as she walked back into his apartment. 

"You know, it's really not fair of you to come out with your feelings now," she began berating him, pacing up and down and not making eye contact. "I had something good with Roan. He was a great guy. He made me laugh, he was sweet. We could have been great together." 

"Could have....?" Bellamy croaked out. 

"Yes." She glared at him, finally coming to a stop in front of him. "Roan could have made me happy. He's a great many things. Very perceptive too. Which is why when I went back to his apartment just now, he knew that I was there to end things with him. He knows that he can't compete with you." 

"You.... You broke up with him. Why?" 

"Bellamy Blake, are you actually stupid?" She looked like she wanted to punch him and he was quite worried that she actually would. "Do you not know how long I've been in love with you because I know that I've actually tried to tell you. You have the shittiest timing of anyone ever, but I couldn't ignore what you said. I couldn't let it just be a what if. So Roan and I are over, he wishes me.... well us actually, all the best." 

"We're an us now?" He felt himself begin to smile, Clarke mirroring him. 

"We've always been an us. You're just a dumb ass shit sometimes." 

He started to laugh and so did she, each of them moving closer to the other until they met in the middle, their arms snaking around each other as Bellamy finally grew a pair and whispered into her ear. 

"No one will ever love you the way I love you, Clarke Griffin."


End file.
